Brown Food Cooperative

Several members of Princeton University's Brown Cooperative claim to have spotted "freakin-real UFOs" just before noon this Friday. The UFOs, which appeared to be two circular spheres of blazing light, were positioned in a strange formation that placed them diametrically opposite each other from the sun. Brown Co-op member Quoc Ho says of the siting, "Yo dude it was intense. I think I felt the room shake."

Though it was impossible to ascertain the intentions of the UFOs, it did appear that they were making aggressive advances against certain members of the Cooperative. "I think they were heading directly for the Co-op. Or the sun. We left in a hurry," said new Junior member Han-wei Kantzer.

The UFOs also seemed to be exhibiting unique physical properties. Katie: "Yeah, so whenever we looked through the other window they would suddenly disappear! It's pretty crazy! They must have some real slick shape-shifting stealth shield or something."

As usual, UFO experts have already suggested several explanations for why the aliens revealed themselves. While most theorists agree that the appearance was accidental - possibly due to the malfunction of the UFO's slick shape-shifting-steal-shields - Dr. Lowenthal, the Brown Co-ops resident Ninja-UFO-Zombie expert, believes otherwise: "I hardly noticed. But when I did, I immediately knew that these aliens were up to no good. This is a clear case of attempted espionage by the University, and we have strong evidence that these UFOs were acting on direct orders from the administration." A video released by certian top officials at the University was posted several hours after the siting, claiming responsibility for the incident. However, experts have yet to authenticate the video.

Kenneth H. Kantzer
PRINCETON (Reuters)